She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
