Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
