There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
