I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
