We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well I just put wine in my tea
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
