Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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