walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
