does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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