I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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