ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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