wakey wakey hands off snakey
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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