I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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