god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
