I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
