Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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