She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
