She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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