I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
