Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
