just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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