he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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