mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
