i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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