she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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