I hate your face
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
