Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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