I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
