sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
