How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
In America we eat man semen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
