never play flip cup with pint glasses
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
