My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
