I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
