When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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