make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
