I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
