you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
