I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i came on her dog
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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