how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just had sex on a roof
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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