Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Are we still banned from the library?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
