You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
