Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
