I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
