She is in my trunk
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
