I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
