If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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