My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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