So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
