meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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