Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
