I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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