Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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