I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
