for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have already put on my inside pants.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
