Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
