90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
