can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
