Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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