you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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