So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
