so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
