It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
